No opening or closing notes for this blog post. I wanted to break the mold and just have a stream of consciousness post. It has been a while since I’ve updated my personal blog which I’ve left dormant due to feeling as if though there is no point in writing here anymore, fears of openly speaking my mind to the world wide web, and overall apathy towards my own personal hobby and project. I don’t even know if people read my posts, the most viewed one is my nofap journey post. I’m no one special. I’m just a random 25 year old screaming his thoughts out into the void which is the world wide web. And maybe hopefully some of you may get some value out of my rambling. Either through insight or enjoyment. I don’t know, I don’t care, I just am glad you get SOMETHING out of it.
I suppose the purpose of this post is to talk about how I’ve embraced failure. This post isn’t meant to be some super depressing post despite the title. I guess the best way to discuss this is by first discussing why I haven’t posted or updated my blog in a while (not that many of you notice or care, but whatever, it’s a cathartic release for me, I’m no one special). But I haven’t posted in a while because in all honesty, I’ve been dealing with apathy towards my site, have no idea what to write about, fear that potential employers will read my posts and say yeah no this guy is not getting a job, and overall have been busy with… that’s right you guessed it! Failing!
Since my last post I’ve been busy juggling school, personal projects, learning Russian (yeah could be a bad call given the war but fuck it), applying to jobs, networking, grinding leetcode, dating (and getting dumped subsequently), Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, investing in crypto, and now… updating this blog. Out of all of those things I just listed, I’ve failed time and time again in every single one of them. To be quite honest, this post has really been inspired by looking at 2 of my exes social media accounts (yeah I know, dumb move on my part, comparing their highlight reels to my behind the scenes).
In the past few months, I have been rejected from so many positions, failed so many online coding assessments, tried to be in a committed relationship and was dumped (I honestly think it’s because I’m just the guy for fun not for serious commitment), constantly make grammatical mistakes in Russian and forget words that I learn, get no where with networking at times, get destroyed and dominated in BJJ, get curved by girls, am down 50%+ in crypto, get stuck on leetcode easy and medium questions (I’m not even at hard yet), procrastinate by wasting copious amounts of time on Reddit and YouTube, break my nofap streak (but no porn, thankfully I’ve kicked that nasty habit out for good), and finally, haven’t updated my blog in months.
In short, I fail constantly. Like, it’s not even funny, but now upon writing this blog post, I realize that I’ve just become so used to failure and am now immune to it that I’ve lost all fear of failure. I’m not going to sit here and lie to you saying it’s fucking great failing all the time. It’s not, sometimes it gets to you and you just breakdown in the shower (shout out to Bill Burr for just letting it all out – no one can see your tears in the rain LMAO).
But you know what? I just have this thought in the back of my mind that all of my failures are going to lead to success, whatever that is. I suppose in writing this now, I look at failure as just a stepping stone to success. I’ve kind of adopted a motto where I’m going to fail my way to success. I look at a ton of successful people and they all say the same thing, there is no success without failure.
Look at it this way. For every coding online assessment I fail, I’m one step closer to passing one. For every job I get rejected from, I’m one step closer to getting accepted. For every girl that rejects me, I’m one step closer to finding one that’ll say yes. For every girl that dumps me, I’m one step closer to finding one that won’t. For every time I get tapped in BJJ, I’m one step closer to getting better. For every time I break my nofap streak, I’m one step closer to getting better and not losing self control. For every time I realize I’m procrastinating, I’m one step closer to wasting less time and killing a bad habit. For every time I make a mistake in Russian and get corrected, I’m one step closer to being fluent. For every (unrealized) loss I make in crypto, I’m one step closer to HODLing to an (unrealized) gain. For every networking meeting that goes no where, I’m one step closer at getting better with people in the industry.
What I want to say is that I’ve officially embraced failure, and it’s wonderful. I just don’t care anymore to dive in and fail. If there’s anything I want you to get out of this post, it’s that failure will lead to you having extreme patience (you gotta be patient for those wins/successes in life), discipline, and an unshakable optimism. It takes all 3 of those to be so okay with failure to just know that you’ll succeed one day. Maybe it’s wishful thinking, but I don’t think so, I think any one came make it if they just take the time and effort needed to succeed. WAGMI.
I don’t know about you, but after writing everything above, I just feel like the go getter wojak meme that I’ve made the post’s featured image. In fact, I think I’ll be revisiting this own post to give me some self motivation once in a while.
And also, as a way to show you the physical fruits of constantly failing but never giving up, here’s a photo of my own personal transformation from 15 to 21. I’ve torn my shoulders, I’ve gotten my joints hurt from Wrestling and Judo, I’ve failed so many reps, so many sets. But I just. Didn’t. Quit.
This post was very cathartic for me, in a way it feels like I’m not only speaking to you the reader, but also to myself to remind myself to keep pushing and to keep going and reaching my goals. I hope you get something out of this. I want to finish off that we’re all gonna make it. Keep your head up high and keep going!