Some Dating Truths

Opening Notes

I’m no dating expert, but what I am is a man with some dating experience and wanted to share some of my experiences and things that I’ve experienced to be as true. In no specific order, here are some of the truths I’ve encountered from dating as a man. While this is aimed towards men, I’m sure some of these are also applicable towards women because they experience the same problems as us.

The Truths and Lessons

Most Women Are Not Promiscuous

Yes contrary to what most men think and fear, most women do not just sleep around and live life like the women did in Sex and The City. Are there girls that do just sleep around and not have a care in the world? Absolutely, lets not kid ourselves. But to think most women are like this is just foolish and naive. Even borderline incel logic.

Women Can Tell Easily If You’re Going To Commit Like A Man Or Are Just Wasting Their Time

I don’t know what it is, but women just have a sixth sense when it comes to this. I’ve dated women where I wasn’t fully interested in being committed to them and they immediately smelled it out and promptly ended things with me. This is obviously a good thing because it saves both parties from wasting anymore time and saves women the grief of being lead on and being hurt. I think this is just a natural instinct women have because when looking at the “Dating Game,” we as men don’t choose our mates, women do and they’re naturally very picky for a very good biological reason.

There Are Some Women That Will Lead You On

I’ve dated some women that were never really interested in me 100% either and were just dating me because I was fun to be with and not really someone they saw as a potential life partner. It’s fine, it happens. But be aware of when you’re being lead on. Even worse, be aware of when you’re just being used. The best thing you can do in this situation is just end things respectfully and cut them out of your life.

Following Red Pill/MGTOW Will Just Turn You Into A Negative And Jaded Man

I fell into this crowd when I was 20. So many of my views on women were altered because of these angry men who were hurt by the lower echelon of women. I thought all women were whores and all they were good for was just sex and nothing else. Super toxic environment and it wasn’t until I started to think for myself and have my own experiences where I realized wow these guys are really toxic and no wonder they’re always dealing with negative women, it’s because they’re putting out negative energy and only attracting negative people into their lives. Good women stay away from these types of men like they are the plague because they can see from a mile away that they have unresolved trust issues and insecurities from their past dating experiences. I can’t fault them though, one really bad relationship can truly destroy someone, doesn’t matter if you’re a man or woman.

If She Doesn’t Reciprocate The Same Energy, Walk Away

If you show her that you care and are willing to make the first move, that you’re willing to commit and try and she just isn’t reciprocating that same type of energy? Walk away because she’s just wasting your time and will never show that same energy. Relationships are a two way street. If you’re giving, you should certainly expect to receive the same treatment back.

If She Does Things You’re Not Okay With Don’t Bother Trying To Change Her, Walk Away

I had to learn this the hard way. If a potential partner is really into things that you can’t stand nor you don’t like about them, never bother trying to change them. The first is because that will never work, people don’t want to be changed, they only change if they want to make the change themselves. The second is because it’s a futile effort and you’re trying to control someone instead of letting them be who they really are. Very toxic move and is just going to lead to a train wreck of a relationship. You’ll be doing both parties a favor by walking away if you see that you’re incompatible and interests do not align.

If She Has Only “Guy Friends”, Walk Away

Been burned too many times on this when I was a young kid. Most healthy, normal women, do not have any male friends, they have male acquaintances that they know of and are not that close with. You can read more about my thoughts about male-female “friendships” here. The best case is that she’s naive and thinks that these guy friends of hers think like her, they’re not actually attracted to each other and only have a platonic friendship. The worst case is that she knows exactly what she’s doing and is getting with every single one of them and manipulating them all. The most realistic case is that she knows exactly what she’s doing and just loves the attention. It’s nothing but a huge red flag and a girl who’s emotionally immature and needs constant validation/attention. Don’t bother wasting your time with them because even if you do actually have a relationship with them, you’re always going to be fighting with them because of their “guy friends” always wanting to hang 1 on 1 with her.

A Good Partner Doesn’t Bother Trying To Convince You They’re Good

If the person you’re seeing talks about their past and then looks at you ashamedly and proceeds to tell you they’re not like that anymore, from my experience that’s a red flag. We all have a past, we’ve all made mistakes, we’ve all done stupid things. But if someone looks at you sheepishly trying to convince you they don’t do any of their past activities anymore, they’re most likely lying to you and are trying to sell you on this amazing image of them. Those who actually are good don’t bother trying to convince you they’re good because they know that they have nothing to hide and while they may have shame about their past actions, they embrace them head on and say that they’ve made a mistake and learned from it. They don’t bother trying to tell you they’re not like that anymore because they know their behavior and actions are representative of that fact.

Case in point, let’s take two potential mates, doesn’t matter they can both be men or women, because this applies to both sexes. Both did stupid things in the past like drink a lot, smoke weed, and were overall party animals and said they did a lot of dumb things that they wished they never did. Mate A admits their past and when they tell you about it, they say it was some what fun but I don’t miss any of it, I’m not a kid anymore and at a certain point I realized I had to grow up. You look at how they behave and act and can see they’re very mature and when they tell you all this there is no sign that they’re trying to hide something from you. Now take Mate B. They tell you their past, they say it was crazy and they’ve done some things that they regret, they tell you about how they used to drink, smoke, and party and then immediately look at you and say but I’m not like that anymore, and you can see in their expressions that they’re nervous because they know they’re lying to you. I’ve had experiences with women who were like Mate B where they said they didn’t do childish things anymore and when I’d ask them what they did last night, they’d tell me I went out with some friends and we got absolutely plastered.

Being Physically Attractive Is Not Enough, Confidence And Personality Are Far More Important

This applies to both sides. After dating for a while, looks begin to matter way less. Sure I look for an attractive woman that is my type, but at some point that went from being the most desired trait for me to just being a prerequisite. In other words if I’m not attracted to you physically I won’t bother continuing on trying to build a relationship with you.

But the main point here is that my younger self used to be enamored with a woman’s beauty and would forget about all the important things about her, such as her personality, her confidence, her values, her hobbies and interests. All young guys go through this phase. It’s not until we as guys first break that mental barrier of finally dating the “hot girl” where we finally wake up and realize looks are not the most important thing you should pay attention to. Women I commend you for this because you’ve known this far longer than us men have.

When you’re young and you never date your own personal 10/10, you are always willing to look past the way they treat you and any wrong doings they may do towards you. A perfect example is when you’re chasing a girl who you think is a 10 and she just keeps wasting your time, but you keep on chasing because you think there’s a chance and you keep deluding yourself. This has literally happened to me many times. It’s ok though, you have to get burned in order to learn and grow.

But then one day, you finally do get that 10/10. You’re out in public with her, every guy is looking at her then you, wondering why she’s with you, women look at you way more thinking why you’re with her instead of them. And the whole time you look at your 10 and realize she’s not all that great and she has flaws and is a person with her own fears, insecurities, hopes, and dreams. It’s strange what happens, as a guy you shift from thinking “Oh she’s so amazing, I’m the luckiest man on earth she’s so beautiful.” to “Eh she’s okay and if this relationship ends, that’s fine because I can definitely get another girl who looks exactly like you.” You become more confident because you realize, if I can get a girl like you, what’s to stop me from getting another girl who’s just as beautiful if not more beautiful than you? It’s harsh but that’s a truth I’ve learned myself and one that other men who have dated many women also shared with me. Especially so with very successful men who naturally have an easier time dating women because they’re more attractive to women in general.

It’s at that point where now you get this confidence and looks go from being the most important thing to just being a prerequisite with dating. Your priorities shift and you start putting way more emphasis and value on how she treats you, your compatibility together, and how she is as a person. She can be the prettiest woman in the world, but if she’s rude, stuck up, and has an ugly personality, it’s far easier to just drop her than to deal with her.

Everything that I just said about women applies to men as well. Women will literally dump male model looking guys if they behave like children and don’t have their shit together far faster and easier than men can.

A Good Attitude Is Far More Attractive Than A Good Salary

It’s basically true that the more money you have, the more attractive you are to women as a man because it shows you have an easier time to provide stability. But it’s 2021 soon to be 2022 now. Women work, they have jobs, they’re for the most part financially independent and they do not need a man to provide for them. They quite literally do not give a shit, and find it very annoying if you’re insecure about that stuff. The age old trope of being a provider and rich and she’ll love you is long dead and gone. While women do prefer a man who makes more than them (it’s biologically hardwired into them to seek a man who can provide after all) it’s not the most important thing for them. What really makes a man attractive to a woman is honestly the fact that he can provide answers and just make decisions. I quite literally do not know why this is, but women find a man who can just handle uncertainty and the unknown with ease super attractive.

When shit hits the fan, they don’t want to be with a man who freaks out because as men what good are you in an emergency when you’re freaking out and can’t get your emotions in check and under control? Speaking as a man, you’re quite useless to the group and are no better than a scared child. Maybe this is because I grew up with an old school/world upbringing, but basically women want a man to just take charge and control of situations and (this going to sound harsh but) told to shut up and let the men handle this. Sounds misogynistic? Maybe, but from my experience not once has a girl gotten mad when I told her to relax, sit down, breath, and to let me handle the whole situation. If anything they were relieved and found me more attractive.

There Will Be A Lot Of Rejection

Oof, big fucking oof. You can be hot looking 6’1 male model who’s been on the cover of Vogue and walked all the fashion shows in Paris, New York, and Milan combined and STILL get rejected. That’s part of the game and that’s part of life. At first it stings, oh my god does it sting. Hurts the ego like no other and it’s very easy to start hating women because of it, thinking they’re wrong and that there’s nothing wrong with you. But after a while, you get used to it and just embrace it. Not interested? Ok thanks, you literally made my life way easier, now I can move onto the next one who will say yes to me. You stop having oneitis with every single girl you find attractive and start just being whatever about women you find attractive and you go and talk to them to see where it goes.

You Need To Have A List Of Deal Breakers And To Actually Execute On Them

This is actually a lesson that I learned recently. When you’re just beginning to date, there is a plethora of things you are willing to tolerate because you want to find that “Disney Romance and Happy Ending” type relationship. You’re desperate for it. You yearn for it. But then, after dealing with so many people that you’re incompatible with and dealing with them doing things you’re not comfortable or dislike them doing, you start accumulating a mental list of deal breakers. Thing is when you have that mental list, it’s easy to forget what those deal breakers are. It’s also easy to ignore that mental list when you’ve got rose colored glasses on and are infatuated with someone.

When you write that mental list down on paper though what you’re effectively doing is solidifying your deal breakers and strangely are more likely to execute on them. You’ll end a potential relationship with woman because you’re less likely to ignore something that you psychically wrote down and brought into reality from your brain. This is the best way I can explain it.

To give an example, I dated a girl who said that she liked smoking weed. I personally am not a fan and it was a semi-deal breaker for me at the time (which in retrospect there is no such thing, deal breakers are binary, either things are or aren’t a deal breaker for you). I looked passed it, despite my reservations about weed and how I personally was against drinking and smoking. The relationship didn’t last for a myriad of reasons, but I should’ve been the first one to walk away instead of wasting so much time thinking that there could have actually been something that worked.

Bare in mind though, your deal breaker list shouldn’t be super extensive, like I said, it should be things that you have a VERY HARD STANCE on and are not willing to compromise on period. For me those things are smoking, drinking, wanting to have kids (I want them), sexual history, religious background, and cultural background. This is a list of 6 different things, but they’re so concrete in my value system that it immediately helps me filter out girls that I can see myself having a future with versus those I can’t see myself dating long term.

If A Girl Decides It Won’t Work Out Between You Two, It’s Over And It’s Best To Walk Away And Respect Her Decision

This was another pill that was hard to swallow. You could have an amazing time with a girl, have 2 or 3 dates and think that it’s going to lead to somewhere amazing. Next thing you know she just starts being more and more distant. She doesn’t ever tell you she’s just not feeling it (not saying all do this, this has just been my experience) and then you finally get the hint that she’s just not that interested as you are.

It’s easy to fall into despair, thinking that you did something wrong, that you fucked the relationship up, that you just weren’t good enough. But that’s not the truth. The more likely truth is that you just weren’t compatible and she wasn’t feeling it.

As a guy, you just gotta accept it and move on. Because at the end of the day, we approach women and they’re the ones that truly make the decision as to whether or not they want to date us or not. They’re the deciders, not us. I say that women make the decision, because as men, we can’t think long term, we’re always in this state of prepping for rejection. If you’re a woman and wondering why this is, well it’s because we always approach you and have to get used to rejection. We quite literally think in the back of our minds, “Oh this is great and all, but I wonder how long this will last and then it’ll be time to go back on the prowl.” This is just the harsh reality of dating as a man, and it’s ok, because it’s been like this since courtship has existed.

So if you’re a guy and a girl that you were interested in rejects you after a couple dates, just move on and respect her decision. DON’T STALK HER AND BECOME A CREEP. THAT WILL ONLY MAKE THINGS WORSE. You can’t change her mind, because she’s already made it up and it’s over bro, just dust yourself off and move on to the next one.

If You Want To Meet A Woman In Person, Asking Her Out Without Even Introducing Yourself Or Having A Conversation Will Just Creep Her Out

Yeah I’m super guilty of this, coming up to girls and saying they’re cute and you’d like to take them out to dinner is not romantic or flattering at all. It’s quite literally weird and only some girls will like it. For the most part, no woman wants a random strange man that they never gave signals to approach to, come up to them and just ask them out out of nowhere. What they want is for a guy who they gave signs to approach to come up to them and talk to them, to have a conversation with them and to see if he’s normal or not. And then maybe, if she shows even more signs of interest, you would ask for her number and take it from there. I had to learn this the hard way too, but it’s alright, it happens.

Dating Is More Like Business Than It Is Romance

Remember all that talk about deal breaking and seeing if you’re compatible or not. Yeah, after a while, dating goes from being a romantic adventure to just a match making game where you go to see if both parties can have a successful business deal (read relationship). It’s quite literally two people looking for a business partnership as fucked up as it sounds.

Of course you have to like each other and have to have romantic feelings. But business partnerships are literally the same exact process less the romance. You test each other out, get to know each other, see if your interests and all the 9 planets are aligned (yes Pluto is a fucking planet, fucking fight me), start trusting each other, and eventually you get a wonderful business relationship and you have a solid deal.

And if you do finally commit to someone, congrats! Pop the bubbly because you’ve successfully closed your hopefully final deal for dating. And lest we forget, marriage is quite literally a legal contract between two people.

Dating Can Only Lead To One Of Two Possible Outcomes: Marriage or Break Up

‘Nuff said, but if you’re not dating for marriage you’re just wasting everyone’s time. This is the harsh truth, it’s a binary outcome, nothing else can come about from dating someone. You’re either with that person or you’re not, simple as. Polyamory, polygamy, open relationships, and swinging are all just bullshit with people trying to save a dead relationship and one that won’t ever come back.

Closing Notes

That’s about it. Those are the truths and lessons that I’ve learned from dating on my short time on earth. Perhaps I’ll do a V2 update in the near future or even a lessons learned when being in a relationship. Hopefully you got something out of this rambling post, this has been something that’s been on my mind and I’ve been wanting to write this post up. As always, I’ll see you next time.

3 thoughts on “Some Dating Truths”

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