If You Are A Guy – Don’t Do Online Dating

This has been a topic on my mind for a very long time and I didn’t quite know how to bring this up. To start, Tinder came out when I was 17 going on 18 and just graduated from high school. I was young, dumb, very immature, and incredibly insecure. My father didn’t teach me the skills needed to court and date women and I’ve had to learn them by myself and with the help of friends who actually were taught by their fathers.

Opening Thoughts

When Tinder came out it was like a life saver, here was this method of talking to an unlimited amount of girls at your fingertips. Just like with anything new, it was exciting at first, a new way to “meet” and talk to girls! It was insane how many matches I got after putting up pictures of me flexing in my underwear. The dopamine rush that I got was immeasurable and I felt a large sense of validation. Here was me, who at this point had only kissed 3 girls and slept with 1, and I was getting all of this attention. I was instantly hooked, and – if you’re a guy – I think that my story probably resonates with a good amount of you.

Soon after I learned that Tinder wasn’t really used for dating and became a “hook up” app I chose to mold my identity to be this “hot stud that gets ass” when the reality was that I was just a shy insecure boy who thought that sleeping with girls from the app would make me cool and the boys would treat me like one of them.

Over the years the online dating mobile market grew where we now have a plethora of dating apps promising us that we can meet our future mate. There’s just one problem. The business model for these apps doesn’t want us to stop using them, and they exploit our own selfish basic cravings for sex and validation – which I believe is ruining us.

As I’m sure you have noticed, the dating apps give you a certain amount of likes, and they only allow unlimited or boosted profiles for a small fee. You have to wonder why they would do this. The obvious answer is because they know that if you get enough horny guys who are shy, have nothing else to do, and are addicted to the hook up game because the potential for sex is just a swipe away, they can make millions.

I partook in this stupid hook up game and while I had a very small amount of flings off Tinder, it never made me feel better and just made me feel worse and hollow inside.

The Realities of Online Dating

The harsh realities of online dating across the board be it from Tinder to Hinge is that they are promising to help you find your next hook up or significant other… all for a small monthly fee of course. While these apps don’t advertise themselves as hook up apps, they know full well that their users are using it to have casual sex despite the small amount of users using it to actually try to find a boyfriend/girlfriend.

The harsh realities of online dating for men are that it takes away all aspects of approaching a woman in real life and showing off your personality, your confidence, and your warmth. All things that are vital to attract and court a woman as I’ve learned. Online dating reduces us down to pictures, for both men and women. It completely gets rid of the aspect of chemistry.

When Tinder first came out I got hundreds of matches and plenty of responses too whenever I’d send out a message. As online dating became the norm, it didn’t matter what app you were on, the number of matches dropped and the number of messages also did. It’s a baron wasteland and a huge waste of time. In the few instances of you actually getting a girls number, which was 1% of the time, you’d get ghosted 99% of the time after! It’s frustrating and just leads to negative relations between the two sexes I believe.

Things aren’t any better for women either, they get bombarded with unwanted messages and harassed even. Because all of a sudden people are interacting over a phone instead of in person, men say some vile and asinine stuff in hopes to get laid. Women deal with an army of horny guys just trying to get in their pants instead of getting to know them for who they are and if the person is even compatible with them. Unfortunately there’s also cases of rape and sexual assault through the dating apps. There’s also the case of women that go on the app just seeking attention and validation through the amount of matches they get. It’s just another form of dopamine hits through the use of social media.

I think online dating was created with the intention of trying to take things have been doing for years digitally, but unfortunately it has only lead to a net loss for men and women.

One of the other ills of online dating is that through certain experiments it shows a warped sense of reality where only very good looking guys can get all the girls. It’s easy to use this as incel/red pill/MGTOW propaganda and fuel, but I have a feeling that 99% of these women didn’t actually go ahead and meet with the guy cat fishing as the model. I could be delusional, but fuck it, I’d rather be optimistic and hope for the best about humanity than negative and sit in my room alone and read incel posts all day long. This has just had an adverse affect on men and I’m here to tell you guys, trust me, if you approach a girl after she gave you signs to approach, you will be much better off and realize you don’t have to look like some male model to be seen as attractive.

Make The Positive Change And Get Off Online Dating Apps

As a guy I’ve never been happy using the dating apps and just became frustrated. It wasn’t until I decided to change my life for the better and decided to meet women in real life. Now I’m not going to try to tell you I’m some hot stud that gets ass on the regular. No. No no no. Absolutely not. I get rejected 99% of the time. But you see that’s part of the process, and that’s a good thing for a man, especially in today’s day of instant gratification and artificial dopamine hits. I got off dating apps and started to interact with women on a face to face real level. I’ve gotten rid of all expectations of sex and if anything stopped caring about it. It’s not like I don’t want sex period, I do. Otherwise why would I be dating the girl that I’m seeing, I’m obviously sexually attracted to her. But that’s not my sole intention, I’m looking for an emotional connection with the girl and to see if we’re compatible. Sex is just a natural reward that comes from having a good relationship with a girl and having chemistry.

Getting off online dating has actually made dating so much better and natural. Before I’d get a dopamine hit from getting a match… but that would never lead anywhere and was just a waste of time leading to frustration. Now I get an insane dopamine rush and high whenever I hit it off with a wonderful girl and feel amazing chemistry between us. Rejections don’t bother me anymore because I stopped putting all of the blame on myself and realized that the girl is doing us both a favor, she’s not interested in what I’m selling and it makes it easier for me to find a girl who will be interested in spending time with me.

I’m not saying that this change will happen overnight. It absolutely takes time. Shit when I wanted to meet women in person I couldn’t even approach them let alone look them in the eye like a man! It takes time to train ourselves as men to become gentlemen and learn how to court a woman. But it’s time and effort that goes a long way and will take you far.

Stop wasting your time swiping away in the hopes that you’ll get laid or find your future girlfriend. Instead get out there, work on improving yourself, live your life, learn to love yourself, make friendships, have hobbies, and most importantly keep striving to be better. Don’t let some algorithm made by a company in Silicon Valley determine who you will spend the rest of your life with. Go out there and take life by the reins.

Closing Thoughts

I think this post has been more of a rant than anything else, but I’m very serious in what I have written. Online dating is a waste of time and further promotes the toxic hook up culture we have been duped into living. To the guys that may read this, go out there and start meeting women in real life. Become gentlemen, hold your lady’s arm, walk with her, hold her coat, open doors for her. Learn to court, not to hook up. You’ll feel better as a result of it and you won’t ever struggle getting a date after you’ve make this step to improve.

To finish off, I also want to state that we should start to push back against sex positivity. We’ve been told from repressed Gen Xers and Older Millennials that having pointless casual sex and hook ups is totally fine and has no consequences, but I think that we’ve seen that open no strings attached sex has only made things worse for both sexes and created a toxic hook up culture environment. I also blame pornography for further pushing the narrative that sex can be casual and no big deal, further causing sex to be less special and create a society of coom brain men and women going for the sex doll look. I realized I was sucked into this toxic culture and I wanted out, I know that you can also do the same and stop this negative feed back loop.

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